Lifes Tunnel

i find it wierd to think of all the things that go through your life and see how you come out on the otherside. going into a tunnel and seeing what kind a stuff your holding on the way out. Sometimes its great. sometimes it sucks.

All those feelings of yesterday kinda just fall off and you feel like floating. ever wonder why your different from behind? and from before. i might as well fly away in absolute bliss. i'm in such an awkward mood i can't think straight and nothing really makes sence right now. I don't have the thought capability write now to write a poem or any writing but take this random thought that kinda just flew from my fingers onto a screen

My decision = My Outcome

I stood there with all the answers. I took them away from me. I Took every chance and I took my feeling away from me. I LET EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING I TAUGHT MYSELF,and I shoved myself into a wall and beat me in. why is it everytime something is right its wrong. why is it i can feel something so great and than have my heart shatter into absolutle nothingness. its gone and i have nothing left.

can i run to you. you didn't hurt me. i did. i hurt me. let me come to you. let me hide in your arms of comfort becuase.. I CAN'T DECIDE IF I"M WORTH LIVING and you always love me. you never stopped loving me. My stupid decisions and i want to be alone. just for a minuite. i want to slip away for one minuite and cry. I can't take it. I've done myself wrong its hard to say that i can love myself again.

Not only did i hurt me. I hurt them. Now thier broken and now Thier alone. Why did i do this to them. why did i choose today. why did i brake our hearts. I'm sorry but it wasn't worth it. Goodbye.

I don't want to finish this.

Welcome Fate.

if you risk something your going to lose something. You may not notice is as much as you expected. but its bound to happen.
Picture you took a risk. you threw what you had into the pile. not even knowing what you threw in. than taking a look back at what you've done. you have nothing. becuase you took a chance and took everything with you. Welcome Fate.

Decived, I thought i could take my life and spend it as i wished. you told me i could do that. So i did. and i failed at everything i could have possbibly wanted. you tricked me into this didn't you. you let me be here and you let my root sink lower and lower till i couldn't see the light past my own two eyes. Thanks for letting me see what you really are. or maybe it was me. maybe everything i did was becuase of my stupidity and my stupid actions and my wanting to be away from everything you might have been able to teach me. Broken inside, i am so confused. Maybe i shoud just...Die.

Scary isn't it? So many people take that stupid chance and do something they don't want to do. And they end up living as something they would rather see die. So they kill it. and its a ascary thought. keep your guard up. Its not worth ending your life over

Scream in Pain.

It's Hard to say when I accually first took time to realize. The pain i was going through. the fact that everytime i looked upon myself in the mirror, i saw him. I saw the one thing i have been running away from for the past years. Nothing inside of me hates anything more than this. Nothing could possibly amount to what he makes me feel like. My enemy. My opposite, the thing that makes me ache every day, everynight. Every time i wake up and go to sleep hes there and he haunts me.

Maybe for once he would leave me alone. If i could maybe just sneak away. But no. Hes the air, hes what i breathe. hes what I feel. Hes the print in which my step just released its grip from. And you said I was alright. That i could handle this. Who doesn't know the answers now. I thought you had control. That you could make my hate love.

Now i'm screaming in the corner and you can't do anything to save me. GET AWAY FROM ME. let me be. Let me stay over here. STAY AWAY FROM ME. get any closer and i'll end it now. my pain my frustration. That you gave me. wait. Your... me.

Think about it.

Kiss the Enemy.

All was good. Praise God you set this so perfect, that everything that was placed in your life couldn't be better. And than it changed. all of a sudden. Was it in your head? IS it in your head? what about the feelings? the thought inside that if it was different, you wouldn't be able to survive? why does it feel like a mistake.

Your human. nothing less nothing more. You can't always make it work the way you want it. Sometimes your and Gods views are different. Though you may disagree. His ways are never wrong. "but it was perfect!". maybe. but if it was, than God has something better than perfect set out for you.
"Than how do i get this voice out of my head that tells me to get rid of what i thought was amazing?" In the end its your decision. No one can FORCE you to get rid of what you thought was awesome. Pray about it. Let God take you one step at a time through it. He'll do his part. As long as you do yours.
Kiss your Enemy. What is your enemy in this situation? Your decision. what is your love? Your answer that does not yet exist. welcome to a life of being human.

I know someone who thought it was perfect. and now its lost in a never ending circle of decisions. what should they do? let it be? Live with it or do something about it. Could it be more perfect than now or is it all in their head. Or is that thought in their head. and you think your confused?

Your Control? No. Mine.

You held the decision and you thought it was all good. Then the decision got bigger. the whole idea of it got larger and larger and larger. Now you can't handle it. Pressure all around. Now YOU can't control what you thought you had so much power over. Its out of your hands. Surprise. didn't see that coming did you.

People need to realize that they can't play every card in a game, theres an oposition as well. ever stop to wonder when you've let it grow out of your hands?

Bleeding. Weeping. Wishing every breath was my last. I was filled with so much joy. so much hope and exitment for the time to come where i could be the one who made the decisions. And all it took was one little set back to put me in place. You had to push me. You had to decide I couldn't handle it. That it wasn't worth the risk to let me make a decision for myself. You let me die here. becuase of you my friend. my blood is gone. at the root of my sword you let him leave me. With my words. Through my soul and YOUR hate.

i'm not going to sum that one up. That can mean something to everyone. not one thing for everyone and i want you to dwell on something your heart tells you from reading it. for me? I regret alot in my life. Dont' let someone get hurt for a matter you don't think you can control. Don't throw it out the window in confusion.

And you had the Answer...

"And you had the Answer.." Its kind of interesting to think of all the people who are Afraid to accept something. becuase we were supposed to have the answers. and we failed them. I hear it everyday that something wasn't good enough becuase someone didn't have the right answer at the right time. The thing is. No one will always have the right answer at the right time. I don't have anything creative to write about this one and i think this will most likely be my shortest blog like EVER but hey. I just wanted to bring up and make you think about the fact that you can't let one Unanswered question keep you away from something you might have always wanted.

If Time change would you Stare or do something about it

Many people sit at home wondering if its worth to think about what would happen if "this did" but really if you think about it. What would? So many people don't care enough about what they do in their life and think that if something happened it would all be ok. No one realizes that your actions May possibly account for something after its all said and done?

Its all over now. No more can i look up into a sky where i can see my life pass me by into absolute nothingness. All is lost becuase of one little thing. The one thing i could have changed all my life but cared not to care. Fire consumes whats left of my rotting Flesh and bones. My time is done my life has run away from me. if only i could have seen. The Difference it could have made. Its all over now, No more can i look up into a sky where i can see my life pass me by into absolute nothingness.

I'm aware that might have been a bit out of hand but for real people need to understand the difference one little decision can make. Thats how I role.